I think part of being a good friend to someone is calling them out on the lie, explaining how you know it’s a lie, and being the one to instill good morals and possibly until that friend finally begins to realize that you’re right and maybe even starts to feel bad about it or at least begins to think before speaking. However, some people are pathological liars and it just doesn’t ever click with them that it’s wrong. So, separating yourself from that person could be the only way to protect you from being drained by all the dishonesty. It’s a difficult situation. One I can relate to but that friend doesn’t call or come around anymore because I had to put the foot down. Enough, I said. I meant it. I tried to help but, she was set in those ways. Very conniving, and vindictive. Great story. Hope all is well! ❤️🩹❤️🤗
Thank you for your comment Tammy. It’s exactly that. It can be so sh*t that you might have to lose a friend because they’re in their own way. I don’t believe in trying to help someone at the cost of yourself own mind unless there is that space to change. You’ve to sacrifice to help, but surely that person needs to look like they even want to help themselves. Such a wild world to live in✍🏾
That should be the goal. It’s also why legal marriage is still important. If my husband is doing illegal things, I want to be able to know and choose whether I still love him without potential for punitive measures taken against me for knowing and loving someone breaking the law.
For a background, my family lied about who my biological father was to me for the first half of my life. I probably knew subconsciously, there were hints, and my conception wasn’t scandalous besides that my dad had fertility issues from being a nuke in Vietnam. My biological father was in my life, and considered an “uncle,” and my Godfather. I had actual cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles, I didn’t know consciously were blood, who I grew up around. My family lied to me because they thought that was the right thing to do, but it took me near 20 years to forgive my mom. How she and my dad differed in reaction put a strain on their relationship that didn’t resolve before he died. He died afraid and angry in our living room. The lie was based upon modern advice at the time for child rearing, but it was wrong, self serving and caused a ripple effect in all our lives.
If you can’t not say anything without lying, and it’s not in the realm of art, I don’t think you should say anything at all. That’s not realistic to actually maneuvering this world, but I wish it were. And* in an intimate relationship, unless that’s like, their love language, lies ruin everything. We should feel bad when we lie, unless we need to, to survive, that moment. If it’s a habit, it’s a sickness.
Thank you for trusting this space with something that personal. That wasn’t just a comment, that was a life story shaped by silence, and I don’t take that lightly.
What you shared about your parents, about the lie that was meant to protect but ended up wounding everyone, is heavy. Especially knowing your dad carried that fear and anger to the end. That kind of truth doesn’t just live in the past, it literally follows you. It teaches you early the bill of secrecy, even when it’s glittered up as love.
And that line you wrote… “We should feel bad when we lie, unless we need to, to survive” that hit hard. Because you’re right. Feeling bad is the signal. It’s the conscience saying something don't make sense. When that feeling disappears, that’s when lying stops being a moment and starts becoming a condition you've bought into.
I agree with you completely about intimacy. Lies don’t just damage trust, they distort reality. And in a close relationship, once reality is bent, everything else starts to wobble. Love can survive many things, but it can’t breathe in a room full of half-truths.
I really appreciate your clarity, your honesty, and the way you named the difference between survival and habit. That distinction matters more than most people want to admit.
I think part of being a good friend to someone is calling them out on the lie, explaining how you know it’s a lie, and being the one to instill good morals and possibly until that friend finally begins to realize that you’re right and maybe even starts to feel bad about it or at least begins to think before speaking. However, some people are pathological liars and it just doesn’t ever click with them that it’s wrong. So, separating yourself from that person could be the only way to protect you from being drained by all the dishonesty. It’s a difficult situation. One I can relate to but that friend doesn’t call or come around anymore because I had to put the foot down. Enough, I said. I meant it. I tried to help but, she was set in those ways. Very conniving, and vindictive. Great story. Hope all is well! ❤️🩹❤️🤗
Thank you for your comment Tammy. It’s exactly that. It can be so sh*t that you might have to lose a friend because they’re in their own way. I don’t believe in trying to help someone at the cost of yourself own mind unless there is that space to change. You’ve to sacrifice to help, but surely that person needs to look like they even want to help themselves. Such a wild world to live in✍🏾
The more intimate the relationship, the more invested trust, the greater the sense of betrayal. You have to love someone for a lie to really hurt.
This is a 10/10 statement. Do you believe that a relationship can exist without lies?
Appreciate the compliment, love your writing.
That should be the goal. It’s also why legal marriage is still important. If my husband is doing illegal things, I want to be able to know and choose whether I still love him without potential for punitive measures taken against me for knowing and loving someone breaking the law.
For a background, my family lied about who my biological father was to me for the first half of my life. I probably knew subconsciously, there were hints, and my conception wasn’t scandalous besides that my dad had fertility issues from being a nuke in Vietnam. My biological father was in my life, and considered an “uncle,” and my Godfather. I had actual cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles, I didn’t know consciously were blood, who I grew up around. My family lied to me because they thought that was the right thing to do, but it took me near 20 years to forgive my mom. How she and my dad differed in reaction put a strain on their relationship that didn’t resolve before he died. He died afraid and angry in our living room. The lie was based upon modern advice at the time for child rearing, but it was wrong, self serving and caused a ripple effect in all our lives.
If you can’t not say anything without lying, and it’s not in the realm of art, I don’t think you should say anything at all. That’s not realistic to actually maneuvering this world, but I wish it were. And* in an intimate relationship, unless that’s like, their love language, lies ruin everything. We should feel bad when we lie, unless we need to, to survive, that moment. If it’s a habit, it’s a sickness.
Thank you for trusting this space with something that personal. That wasn’t just a comment, that was a life story shaped by silence, and I don’t take that lightly.
What you shared about your parents, about the lie that was meant to protect but ended up wounding everyone, is heavy. Especially knowing your dad carried that fear and anger to the end. That kind of truth doesn’t just live in the past, it literally follows you. It teaches you early the bill of secrecy, even when it’s glittered up as love.
And that line you wrote… “We should feel bad when we lie, unless we need to, to survive” that hit hard. Because you’re right. Feeling bad is the signal. It’s the conscience saying something don't make sense. When that feeling disappears, that’s when lying stops being a moment and starts becoming a condition you've bought into.
I agree with you completely about intimacy. Lies don’t just damage trust, they distort reality. And in a close relationship, once reality is bent, everything else starts to wobble. Love can survive many things, but it can’t breathe in a room full of half-truths.
I really appreciate your clarity, your honesty, and the way you named the difference between survival and habit. That distinction matters more than most people want to admit.
Thank you for sharing this here. Truly. 👏🏾
I can't fill the poll I don't know why but I ll go for friend option,it is worse then anything else
I trialled and tested the poll so I ended up voting for you 🤞🏾 Thanks for the vote!
I want to know a little bit more about why you feel like it’s worse 🗣️